Keep on keeping on

Things have definitely been better since my crazy spurts of Derealization. I can honestly say I feel that it is not interfering with my life as much as it was. My dreams however have been ever changing; they change constantly from crazzzyy to very realistic. The thing is, realistic dreams to me are even more unsettling that having scary gruesome clowns showing up in them (that would actually be quite entertaining.). Many dreams i've been having are things that can actually happen in my everyday life (if you think about it, anything can happen in an everyday life, from flying pigs to seeing a UFO, but it hasn't happened yet so my days are on the normal side). Lately i've been debating whether I should switch my major from teaching to just a regular design focus then pursuing a teaching degree when im done with that, so what I have been dreaming about? Teaching. And these dreams show me the bad crap that can happen when being a teacher. Like recently, I had a dream that one my "students" slapped me and cursed at me. The thing is, that kinda shit does actually happen, so that scared the crap out of me. If I do become a teacher, that dream will certainly haunt me...everyday. These dreams just give me much more respect for teachers its crazy! :)
Anyways, I had another dream yesterday that I remembered.
This one was a little more freaky. I get up from my bed (of course I wasnt actually awake...i effin love those dreams...i mean that both sarcastically and honestly) and I looked into my hand mirror and started to sing. I sang and looked into my eyes and they started changing shape, and I felt hypnotized. Then i got this EFFIN CREEPPY smile on my face, and the weird thing is that I told myself to do it. I wanted to scare myself in my dream. That is still really mind boggling to me; the fact that I wanted to scare myself. Anyways, I slightly opened my eyes for real and I was holding my bed cover, like caressing it, but my covers felt like a box and there was ridges under it. I could seriously feel the ridges until I opened my eyes all the way and actually woke up, then the bed cover just felt like, well, a bed cover. It's not as freaky reading it as it was experiencing it. My mind was still in dream state when my eyes were slightly open which is always pretty neat to feel.

It's dreams like these, and other crazy ones that really affect me in my waking life. Ever since my brush with Derealization, I physically feel my dreams way down on me throughout the day. It's also caused me to daydream waaaayyyy more! It's just so interesting how dreams can influence people in so many ways, just not everyone pays attention to it. I pay attention to it now because dreams have played such a weird role in my life. It's pretty amazing how things like these can change how you view life. :)
More Dreams to come...

Dream On.
-Danica

waking up...or not?

Dream log: 
So i have this mind boggling dream a few times that I'm pretty sure people have had before, here is one time i've had it:
I was taking a nap in my dorm and I woke up to my roommate coming in and closing the door. I have this conversation with her about eating somewhere when all of a sudden I asked her "how am i talking to you if im asleep?" then i woke up, sat up and looked around my room. My roommate came in shortly after that and we started to talk and i told her about my dream, then I remember saying "Hold on right quick, I need to wake up" so of course I wake up again. This time I sat up looked around the room and realized I was still dreaming. This dream kept looping until I FINALLY returned into waking state after the 7th or 8th time that it looped. I got up and started walking to my acting class when I stopped half way and asked myself "Am I still dreaming?" I stopped, closed my eyes then opened them and thankfully I was actually in waking state, but I felt as if I wasn't. Everything around me felt so unreal.I couldn't focus in class because I was afraid that I was going to close my eyes and wake up on my bed again. It took me a while to get a grip on reality again. I didn't quite get the fine grip that I wanted on reality but at least it's some sort of grip. Sure once in a while I may feel like I am in a dream and that everything around me is surreal, but I can control it more, and control over it is what's needed!

Dream On. :)

dreaming all day

So for those of you who don't know what de-realization is, it varies from person to person
 WHAT IS DEREALIZATION?? (click me!)

Well, for me, i had de-realization when i didn't know it and that pretty much started my crazy panic attacks. Everything around me, the trees, the grass, my house, my family, my friends, my boyfriend, seemed fake. I would go on with my day believing that I was in a dream.

Besides this sense of derealization I had other anxieties. I didn't want to leave my house, because all of that anxiety was caused by my fear of death, and i'll tell ya what, a fear of death sucks, thats probably one of the suckiest things to be scared of since, well, its inevitable? Anyways, yeah it was one crazy ride i was in, but little by little (month after month) I started to get better. I guess one day i just told myself I couldnt be scared anymore...one tough journey but I do feel better. Anxiety and de-realization remains with me, but muuuch more controlled. I still find myself asking "is all this real? Am I dreaming or am I awake?" but hey i just figured it's better for me to believe i'm dreaming in waking life.

merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily...

Hello to the few that want to read this.:) I guess I decided to make a blog today when was sitting on this computer, headache and all, spending (wasting) my time on a social networking site. I figured might as well start posting some stuff that I find neat or interesting to share with everyone on an actual blog. I could do it on a social networking site...buuuut I really want to experiment with this! I hope that it goes well and I can develop some pretty cool skills from running this thang. If anyone decides to join me on my random rants on subjects, or any crazy videos I may post, I hope y'all enjoy it!

Random Note: I love Owls <3